I work for a company whose primary software product is a Web-based content management system. It's very easy to use for a Web app, so easy that most of our users are secretaries and marketing people. And if you've ever worked on Web content as part of your job, you'll know that's not a disparaging remark. Most software for creating Web content requires understanding of HTML at a minimum, ours just requires some basic familiarity with the Web, like what a URL should look like so you can create links. We also provide training to assure that base-level familiarity. After a 2 hour training session, we rarely hear from new clients again despite daily use of the app. So it's very unusual for us to get clueless questions from clients.

But I guess yesterday was my lucky day. For the sake of protecting the clueless, I'll refer to this client as Mary. It's worth noting that Mary is statistically average in every way compared to our user base. Mary attended a training session a few months ago, then another one a few weeks later when she couldn't remember what we covered the first time. Then she gave me a horrible review, telling my manager that I moved too fast and didn't explain key concepts adequately. So far she's given the only negative review I've ever received for training sessions, and I've done 75 of them at least, all using the same outline. Not that I'm perfect, but my training sessions have been at least adequate for every other person I've trained.

So Mary calls me, she says that our app isn't working.

I ask what URL she's going to, she doesn't know what I mean. This is something we covered multiple times in both training sessions, I made sure to circle back to the topic at least twice after my standard comprehension questions indicated a problem. But I let that thought go and explained that the URL is the text at the top of her browser, in a white, editable text field. Then she says it's just "admin".

"Ok, so type the URL company.com/admin instead," I say.

Long pause, then: "It's not working. Do I have to type 'URL' or something?"

So I ask her to describe where she's typing this text in. She's typing it into the Google search field. (The browser is Firefox.)

"No, you need to type that into the address bar, not the search bar."

"Oh, ok, thanks!" and she hangs up. Ten seconds pass and the phone rings again. It's Mary of course.

"Where's the address bar again?"

"It's where you type the URL, at the top of the browser window. Look for the little Earth icon."

"I have to type 'URL'?"

Trying very hard to sound patient and nonplussed, I say "No, the URL is http://company.com/admin."

"Oh."

Long pause.

"It's not working."

"Read everything in the address bar to me."

"It says www.http://company.com/admin."

I restrain my groan. "The www. part is optional, and if used, has to appear after http://."

"Oh. Ok, that's it!  I see the login page!"

"Good, now bookmark the page so you can get to it easily next time."

"How do I do that?"

"Doh!" says the little Homer Simpson in my head.

The call was mercifully short after that, but this just reinforces my conviction that Mary should not be allowed to manage Web content. Ever. And the knowledge that Mary uses a computer to manage finances for a large organization terrifies me.

I am so glad my company didn't setup their phone system. I don't think I could maintain composure while explaining what a dial tone is.